Hobbits, Cauldrons, & Ballerinas

You will rue the day, unhappy woman. Rue!!!

Phase I of Operation Shaina Senior Art Show Installation Piece, complete.

Michaels, Goodwill, the Shadow Box, and a Garage Sale.

Today I wrung my hands in a waiting room full of crazy people. I knew they were crazy, because I was in Comprehensive Med Psych Incorporated’s waiting room, so all of these people were there to see their crazy people doctors. If someone sneezed, it was a deranged sneeze as far as I was concerned. So, I jumped when the lady walked out and called my name, and then I blushed because I knew that being jumpy is characteristic of my disorder, and now she was checking off her mental list of symptoms. I am exhausted. I can’t sleep full nights through, I wake up every night at least once with cold sweats and I can’t fall back asleep. Last month I had to go to my physician because I was scratching the skin off my legs and feet in large patches. The stress was evidently causing histamines to overproduce in my skin. Ceaseless anxiety everyday puts strain on every relationship I’ve ever been in with family, friends, and the people I love dearly. My psychiatrist asked me if I ever smile or laugh anymore a few weeks ago. This psychologist asked me if I’m always so somber. I am very sleepy and very tired of having to scoop up all of these feelings and function.

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I promise you with my whole heart, my construction junkyard of bulldozed buildings, portable strewn, wire fenced high school, compares. Even the ROTC tower looks like a Nazi watch tower.

There is no wonder I want to rip my hair out and sink into a puddle.

I don’t talk about that trip to Auschwitz often, and I don’t like to think about what I saw there and how I felt. Now everyday I drag my feet through a desolate prison reminiscent of one of my saddest experiences.